Indulge in Desire: Crafting Your Signature Sexual Menu
A sex menu allows you and your partners to start expanding your definition of sex and exploring new sexual territory
Indulge in Desire: Crafting Your Signature Sexual Menu
By Jamie Azar, Certified Sex, Relationship, and Intimacy Coach
I don’t know about you, but I don’t like to eat the same dinner every night. And you probably wouldn’t be overly enthusiastic if your partner(s) recommended the same meal or restaurant every time you wanted to eat out. Generally, people like to have options to choose from. Of course, I’m introducing the concept and importance of sexual variety with a food analogy, however, creating a sexual “menu” can be a great way to expand your sexual and erotic repertoire.
A sex menu has a variety of sexual activities or options you and your partners can choose from to start expanding your definition of sex and exploring new sexual territory. This can be something you discuss with your partner(s) and/or sit down and create tangibly by brainstorming a list of sexual activities you’d like to “feature” on the menu. Not only can the menu be used as a tool for sexual expansion, but it can also be used to offer alternatives. You might be a “no” to one appetizer but a “yes” to something else from the menu, for example, so it can also be used as a tool for negotiation.
So, what items might you include on your sex menu?
“Appeteasers”- the “appeteasers” are “bite-sized daily snacks” of physical intimacy and acts of affection. These are generally lower effort and ideally, integrated into your daily life. For example, you may have rituals upon meeting, greeting, or leaving your partners, 30 second hugs, 6 second kisses, leave thoughtful notes around the house, incite playful spanking, offer massages, cuddle while you’re on the couch, or hold hands while you go for a walk. Your appetizers are your moments of affectionate or sensual touch that provide the crucial basis for connection and serve as a possible bridge to building on-going desire. They are intentional invitations and bids for connection that help to create a slow simmer in your relationship, so eventually, it’s easier to turn up the heat. The goal is to indulge, daily.
Gourmet Meals-These are the sexual experiences that take a little more preparation or effort. You might discuss and negotiate the meal in advance. What are you both in the mood for? Chances are you may not be in the mood for the same thing, so get creative together! You want to focus on a win-win and remember, this is a team effort. You both want to look forward to the meal you’re planning together. Your gourmet meals will involve more playful and erotic based activities. This is where you get to pull out your menu of options and decide on a fare together. What ingredients will you need to prepare for the activities? Perhaps there’s touching in the shower or bath, seductive dancing, manual, or oral rubbing, playing with different pleasure toys, or perhaps there are elements of kinky play. We can’t necessarily have gourmet meals every day, but with intention, preparation, creativity, and negotiation, we’re more likely to have a meal we enjoy.
Dessert- This is where you might want to try a new recipe or create a new-mouthwatering experience for yourselves. These are the opportunities to try something novel. This might be during a romantic evening or weekend away, or the celebration of a special occasion. Dessert should be a mutually indulgent experience that you both prepare for beforehand. This form of pleasure might take some longer-term planning, or even research if you’re going somewhere new or buying a new toy of some kind. You might try out a shared fantasy, have sex in a new location, or mutually plan a surprise erotic activity for the other person to build in an element of mystery and surprise.
The goal of having a sexual menu, whether a tangible menu, comprehensive frame of mind, and/or shared language with your partner(s), is to build more expansiveness and variety into your erotic repertoire. Additionally, if you’re not in the mood for the same meal as your partner(s), you have plenty of other options to choose from, and you can always revise your menu as your tastes and preferences change.
Ok, you get the analogy. So now, what types of activities can you build into your sex menu?
Lucky for you, I’ve got you covered. Here is a sample sex menu I created just for you to get you started, until you can start building your own.
Bon appetit!
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